Fix You
by greyslostwho
Summary: MerDer songfic. Somewhere in Season 2. Meredith doesn't want to, but she needs Derek. Fluff, angst...and coldplay


**FIX YOU**

A SONG FIC TO COLDPLAY FIX YOU. BASICALLY CONCENTRATES ON MEREDITH AND DEREK AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER, AND HOW MEREDITH NEEDS DEREK WHEN SOMETHING GOES REALLY WRONG IN HER LIFE. SET SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF SEASON 2.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TO DO WITH GREYS ANATOMY, NOT EVEN MCDREAMY (UNFORTUNATELY). abc OWNS EVERYTHING. I PROMISE.

OH, AND I DON'T OWN COLDPLAY, CHRIS MARTIN OR THE SONG EITHER.

NOT THAT I WOULD WANT TO.

NO SPOILERS.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

Dr Meredith Grey walked down the corridor of Seattle Grace, trying to ignore the tears in her eyes. She had just been assisting a surgery where the patient, a little girl of seven, had died. She had administered a wrong dosage of one of the drugs that the little girl had been intolerant to. The child had died in agony. Meredith felt sick. She could hardly remember where she had to go next. Her eyes were filling, and the nausea was coming in waves. She clutched at her stomach and ran to the bathroom.

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

As she leant over the toilet bowl, throwing up, she heard someone else come into the bathrooms. She heard the click clack of heels and looked under the door to the Gucci shoes of the woman she really didn't want to see. Addison Montgomery Shepherd, wife of the only man she had ever truly loved and the one he had chosen over her. She sat back and leant on the edge of the bowl, waiting for Addison to leave. When she was gone she threw up again, into the toilet. She heard the door opening but this time she couldn't stop herself. She was violently sick for the third time.

"Are you ok in there?" she heard a sweet familiar voice. Izzie.

"It's me, Iz. Can you help me? I don't think I can get up."

Her friend sprang open the door and helped her up onto shaky legs.

"Meredith, are you sick?"

"Probably." She muttered and then forced a smile, "Thanks for the help, Izzie."

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

"Go home, Mer. Get some sleep and don't come back here until you are completely better."

"But I still have rounds and a surgery tomorrow morning early."

"Meredith, no. I can do your rounds, and Cristina will do the surgery. You need to get some rest."

"I hate being alone at home." She said, "I hate trying to sleep. I can't stop thinking about… stuff I shouldn't."

"McDreamy?" Izzie asked sympathetically.

Meredith nodded miserably.

_Stuck in reverse_

"It's like every time I try to get over him I cut myself a little deeper, and every time I see him the wound opens up again. I'm not going anywhere anymore, I just drag myself through every day and then I try to sleep but I can't. I hate it, Iz."

"I know you do, sweetie." She whispered and patted her on the back. Then Meredith leant heavily on Izzie and she helped her to their locker room.

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

When she finally got home, she changed into her pyjamas and lay down in her bed, cold and tired but with no hope of sleeping. She couldn't help wishing she was in the trailer with him now, the trailer Addison hated, the trailer she could appreciate more now she couldn't have it anymore. She found herself wishing that he would hold her and tell her that it would all be ok. She found herself crying softly to herself.

_When you lose something you can't replace_

When she finally drifted off to sleep, she only managed to get a few hours before the phone rang and she groggily answered.

"Dr Grey?"

"Yes?"

"It's Dr Burke. Your…your mother has had an accident. She fell down the stairs and hit her head. You might want to come up."

Meredith's heart sunk. She couldn't cope with this now, she really couldn't. She ignored the fresh tears that were falling.

"Ok. I'll be right over."

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

She passed Addison on the way into the hospital. Her eyes were red and her face was angry. Regardless, the other woman smiled at her and gave a little wave. That was one of the reasons Meredith hated Addison so much. She didn't hate Meredith. She was so high and mighty. It would have been so much easier to dislike her if she openly hated Meredith, but she was never anything less than charming. She made Meredith feel bad for hating her, and that just made her hate her even more.

_Could it be worse?_

She walked into the room her mother was in. She saw Ellis laid on the bed, her head bandaged and her face pale. She saw Alex and George stood there, with Derek. She let out a sigh she was sure was audible to the entire room. She couldn't deal with him too! This was too much for her. She caught her balance, leaning on the bedpost and then she turned to Bailey.

"Dr Bailey." She said, her voice wavering, "What is it?"

"Your mother has taken a severe fall, Dr Gr…Meredith." She turned to Derek, who was talking. He had a sad look in his eye.

"Yes?" she asked; her voice barely more than a whisper.

"There is severe bleeding on the brain. I don't know whether she will make it, given her condition, if we give her the surgery, but there is no other way forward…"

Bailey suddenly looked up. "O'Malley, Karev, pit. Grey, I'll leave you and Dr Shepherd to discuss your mother's treatment."

Meredith gave Alex and George withering looks as they left with Bailey. She was left standing next to Derek, alone except for her mother.

_Lights will guide you home_

"Can I talk to you in my office?" he asked gently, not wanting to push her. She nodded slowly.

He left the room and led her to his office, flicking the light switch in Ellis' room off. Meredith followed him to his office, where he offered her the seat opposite him. She sat down and sunk into the chair, her eyes suddenly filling with tears.

"Are you sure she will die, Derek?" she asked, her voice rising almost to hysteria.

"Of course not. There is a small chance that it may all go according to plan and she will make a full recovery. There is a large chance that she will recover, just in a slightly later stage of her Alzheimer's."

Meredith swallowed.

_And ignite your bones_

"We've scheduled the surgery for tomorrow morning."

Then the tears welled up.

"I can't cope with her dying now, Derek. I can't keep going like this. I can't…I just can't… If she dies, I'll be all alone, and I can't do that. I can't…" she sobbed. He reached out and put a hand on her knee. Immediately she felt shivers course through her. He patted her knee lightly, friendlily, but he didn't pull away. She looked up into his eyes, and the tears rolled again.

"Whatever happens to your Mom, Meredith, you won't be alone…" he cleared his throat awkwardly, "There's always going to be people here for you, no matter what. There's Izzie and Cristina, and George and…and me, Meredith."

_And I will try and fix you_

She smiled lightly at him. Then he pulled her towards him into a big hug. She let him hold her tightly without protest. She breathed in the faded scent of him, the smell of cologne and shampoo, and she cried.

"Its going to be ok, Meredith." He said softly, "No matter what, we are going to get through this."

She pulled away sharply.

_And high up above or down below_

"Don't do this to me, Derek. I can't deal with you and me! You are married remember? Kind of an important thing to tell me first, wasn't it? You chose Addison, Derek. You chose her. You can't change that, and you certainly can't just be nice to me when it suits you!"

"Meredith, I-"

"Enough, Derek! Enough of your stupid excuses and your lies that you love me! Enough with you goddamn McDreamy smile and your stupid, stupid pretend cares! My mother is dying, Derek, and you are her doctor! But that is the last thing that you are to me, and the only thing!"

She took a deep breath.

"I just…I just told Addison I want to file for divorce."

She was stunned.

"It's too late, Derek!" she yelled.

Then she turned on her heel and left the room.

_When you try and love to let it go_

She stormed out along the corridor, and down to her mother's room. She opened the door and slammed it behind her, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. She then took her mother's hand and started to talk.

"Mom…I want so much to let him go, to stop loving him…but I can't. I can't stop it, and that is really painful… I can't stop the pain. I love him so much I think I could burst. I keep lying and saying I can move on… but I can't. I need him, Mom…"

She leant her head back in the chair and she slept. From the door, Derek smiled his sad smile and watched her. When he was sure she was asleep he lifted one of the spare blankets from the shelf and tucked it around her shoulders.

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you want_

He bent his head slowly and kissed her on the forehead. He closed his eyes and pulled away gently. She didn't stir. Smiling, he stroked her cheek and then turned and left. As he walked along the corridor he knew. He was doing the right thing, divorcing Addison. He knew he wouldn't stop loving Meredith, not even if she stopped loving him.

_Lights will guide you home_

She was awoken by someone turning the light on. She looked up into Derek's face. Her heart beat faster.

"It's time for her to go to surgery, Meredith." He said gently. She nodded and leant her head back, closing her eyes. He smiled, and beckoned to Alex Karev and George O'Malley who were waiting outside. They helped to wheel the bed down to the theatre.

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try and fix you_

On the table, Derek twisted his instruments in Ellis' brain. He could think of nothing other than it would destroy Meredith if he couldn't save her. He opened the frontal lobe and the blood rushed out. He knew then that there was no hope for Ellis Grey.

Slowly he pushed the wad down to soak up the blood. Almost instantly he heard the heart beat monitor level out. Alex went to get the resuscitators but he shook his head.

"She's gone." He murmured.

George and Alex bowed their heads.

_Tears stream_

_Down your face_

He opened the door to the room. Meredith was curled up on the couch next to where Ellis' bed had been. He sat down beside her, took her in his arms and slowly shook her. Her eyelids fluttered open. She could tell by the look on his face that it wasn't good news.

"She died, didn't she?" she choked on the words.

He nodded and gripped her tighter to him. For a moment she cried, and then she pulled back.

"This doesn't change anything, Derek!" she sobbed, "I can't be with you. Just go. Leave me in peace."

_When you lose something _

_You cannot replace_

He left the room, leaving her crying on the couch. She looked up as the door closed. This time he hadn't argued. This time he had just left. Had she blown it? Without her mother he was the only person left in the world that she loved. The only person she loved. She wouldn't admit to herself, but it was Derek that she needed by her side now more than anyone else. But she had sent him away. So she cried alone.

_Tears stream_

_Down your face_

He leant on the railings, and looked down on the entrance of the hospital. He felt the tears fall but did nothing to stop them. Maybe she had really stopped loving him. Maybe she had really stopped wanting him, and needing him. Maybe hearts really could break. His phone beeped. It was the divorce attorney. He picked up.

"Just sort it out for me, Reg." he said, and then the conversation ended.

He thought of Addison, and seeing Addison cry, and how he hadn't minded too much. He thought of Meredith, and seeing Meredith sob, and how much that hurt.

_Tears stream_

_Down your face_

He opened the door. Whether she was ready to admit it yet, Meredith Grey needed him now.

"Meredith, I love you." He said bluntly, and sat down beside her. She smiled at him through her tears,

"No, you don't." she said, "You love Addison. You just don't know it yet."

He shook his head.

_I promise you_

_I have learned from mistakes_

"No. I love you. I have filed for divorce. I can't be without you, Meredith. I want to help you get through this and then I want to be there for you, be there for you forever."

She smiled, and this time it was genuine. "Really?"

He nodded, and leant forward and kissed her gently. Then he wrapped his arms around her. He felt her shake and sob against him, and he rocked her backwards and forwards.

_Tears stream_

_Down your face_

"She's gone. She'll never come back. She didn't deserve this."

"It's going to be ok, Meredith." He said softly, "I'm here for you."

She sobbed, "I love you too."

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try_

"It's going to be ok, Mer." He whispered.

"I know. I know." She whispered, and her heart felt a tiny bit lighter because she was there, in Derek's arms, and she loved him.

_And fix you._

WELL, IT WAS A BIT BRIEF. BUT I'M WORKING ON A BIGONE AT THE MOMENT. HOPE YOU LIKED IT.

NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN A REVIEW.

LOVE TO YOU ALL

GREYSLOSTWHO

XOXOX


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